Can't let go
by Bamonfeels
Summary: Bamon. Damon has decided to desiccate himself, will Bonnie be able to stop him?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys,**

 **Episode 7x15, my retake on the Bamon scene.**

 **Hope you enjoy...**

 **ch:1 [Not Okay]**

It was not the fact that Damon decided to leave her all alone or the fact that he probably regreted his decision of choosing her over Elena, it was just the sight of him caressing Elena's coffin so lovingly while his own awaiting coffin lie a foot away from him that almost had Bonnie crying. She can't breakdown now, she has to be strong. She didn't deserved this...well, there are many other things she didn't deserved that had had happened to her but this time it hurts so bad.

"you weren't even gonna say goodbye?" Bonnie asked, pretending to sound strong even though it was the last thing she felt, she walked forward and stopped in front of Damon who looked a little startled by her presence. He jerked his hand away from Elena's coffin and looked towards her with his tired blue eyes. This was not something he was hoping to deal with before he was gone for good period.

Goodbyes. There is this thing about them that goodbyes hurts more when you know there is not going to be another was afraid of saying goodbye to her face so he wrote her and Stefan a letter. He felt like he won't be able to stick to his decision if he faced her, she will talk him out of this. Damon wanted to avoid that, but apparently he can't.

"Look, I wrote you a letter."He said, looking at her searchingly. He was looking for some sign saying that she read the letter but find none. Bonnie narrowed her eyes at him and folded her arms. yes, he wrote her a freaking letter and obviously she didn't read it. why would she? She had done everything in her power to make him feel better, she had always been a good friend to him, would listen to his fucking rant for hours and what she get? a stupid goodbye letter.

"oh, and that suppposed to make your stupid decision okay?" Bonnie asked angrily. Damon opened his mouth to say something but Bonnie stopped him by raising her hand. "what does your stupid letter even say, huh?" she asked not waiting for his reply. "That when you see me all you can think of is what a stupid choice you made?" She blinked her eyes violently to stop the tears. So much for being looked at her with clenched fist and thinned lips.

He will loose his mind if anything were to happen to her. He could never regret his decision of choosing her, he would do it all over again if required. How could she even think that? but then he realised the answer of his own question. It's him. It's him who had made her feel that way, he treated her wrong , made her feel like she was a wrong choice. Damon hated himself even more for what he did to her. Bonnie continued.

" or that when you look at me all you see is not Elena? or...or you just wish that i die?" Damon's eyes widened at this,a growl passing his lips, he flashed in front of her and grabbed her by her shoulders, probably trying to shake some sense in her. She looked up at him.

"It doesn't say that. " Damon said through his gritted teeth. "you know i don't feel that." He said, looking into her eyes. Bonnie shook her head and tried to push him away but he didn't budge.

"don't you get it? i don't care what your fucking letter say...i only care about the decision you made." She said, trying to push him away this time succeeding. He looked deflated. A lone tear slipped from her eye. He hated seeing her this way and hated it even more when he is the reason behind them. But he can't stay, if he did he won't be able to control himself from falling for her even harder. She deserves someone better than him.

"Bonnie...please ju-"Damon tried again.

"just tell me...are we friends?"Bonnie asked quietly. Damon just looked at her but didn't said anything. If only he could tell her that she is more than a friend to him, she is his anchor, she is something that he can't live without. But he have to eliminate himself from her life so she can live it fully. Bonnie took his silence as a 'No'.

"Do you know what i regret the most?"She asked, looking straight in his eyes. He knew her answer before she even started. She regret him.

"i regret ever knowing you. i regret our time in prison world.." Bonnie said in a shaky voice, her eyes watery. If he says this hurts then it would be an understatement. Their time in prison world even after kai is something he will forever cherish, and hearing her say that she regreted it, burned him to the core. He took a step back to steady himself. "I regret, that you were the first person i came to see after my return from prison world." She was crying freely now, her knees felt is going to loose him today, how can he do this to her. Damon catched her before her knees can hit the ground and she let him. "You are just a simple regret, i thought...i knew who you were.."

"Bon you know me better than anyone else...even better than Stefan." Damon said softly, carresing her tear streaked face before his hands started searing. He gritted his teeth to stop himself from wincing but he didn't let go of her face. torture stopped and she looked him dead in the eyes.

"I am not okay with this decision." Bonnie said with a new found strength. "I'm not okay with you choosing yourself." She pushed him away by her magic and stood up."I'm not okay with never seeing you ever again. This hurts me." Damon stood up from his position and took a step towards her, causing her to back away. He stopped seeing her reaction.

"This hurts, this hurts me." She sniffed" And as you desiccate, and as you feel the pain of hunger as the blood drains from your body, that's what i want you to you hurt me." He can never forget the look on her face, he can never forget how much he had hurt her.

"I am broken Bonnie, you don't need me.."Damon started but Bonnie backed away from him towards the door, shaking her head.

"It's funny how you are the broken one,and i am the one falling apart into pieces." she sniffed, looking at him with tear filled eyes. She hates him so much for doing this to her, for making her feel so vulnerable. What hurts the most is when you are there for someone through thick and thin, you stick with them,no matter what. Then one day they just give up on you and themselves. The one thing you would never have done,they did it with no hesitation.

"Bon please...liste-"

"No No you don't get to say goodbye." She said and ran out of the door. He let his hands drop by his side, still looking at the exit before walking back towards his awaiting coffin.

Two days later...

3 A.M.

Bonnie shifted and turned on her right side, slightly adjusting her pillow and blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust to the darkness in her room. She squinted her eyes when she saw a figure sitting on her chair near the bed,her heart pounding in her rib cage. Her fingers tingled with magic, and then she realised it's...Damon. Maybe she is hallucinating and had finally lost her mind, but when she saw him standing up on his feet and opening his arms wide for her...she knew it's real.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys,**

 **hope you enjoy!**

 **ch 2[mine]**

It's not everyday that you wish for something and it comes true, especially in Bonnie's life. Two nights ago when she came back home after seeing Damon, It's been an hour since she has stopped crying and she felt so tired,so old. It was hard for her to keep her eyes open after such an effusive day but she couldn't sleep. She stayed awake in hopes that Damon might change his decision and come to see her. But it didn't happened, and she should feel disappointed, hurt or any other emotion that this situation demanded but all she felt was vacant. Like there is a void inside of her that is slowly growing bigger and bigger with each passing minute, and she can't do anything to stop it. So when she saw Damon in her room ,she couldn't stop herself from jumping into his open arms.

He heard an unexpected laughter and realized it was his own, it's been a while since he has laughed this way. His eyes closed automatically as he held her tightly in his arms, burying his nose in her hair. She smelled like vanilla and strawberry. At this moment he was content he has everything he would ever need in his life. This realization hit him hard, but before he can do anything about it , he felt Bonnie pushing him away. He reluctantly let go off her and took a step back, still smiling though. She turned lights on by her magic.

Then she slapped him...hard.

That successfully wiped the smile off his face. Damon massaged his cheek slightly while looking at her and he can see that she was angry. Yes, she was ecstatic to see him but that doesn't mean she has forgiven him for what he put her through. Bonnie looked at him..He was still rubbing his cheek but there was this understanding in his eyes. It's like he understood how she went from being elated to see him to hating his existence in a minute. It's like he knew her and that irked Bonnie to no extent.

She folded her arms under her chest and asked

"Done with the beauty sleep?" Sarcasm. That's not good. Damon cleared his throat before saying.

"i don't need sleep to be beautiful." Damon cringed internally while keeping his face neutral. Yeah,he should have kept his mouth shut. Damon looked at her narrowed eyes and wondered what she might be thinking, probably contemplating about setting him on fire or giving him aneurysms to death.

He is unbelievable! How could he just act so casual, like he didn't almost desiccated himself two days ago or made her cry? He just stood there in his grey t-shirt while his leather jacket lies on her chair...just so casual. _I'll show him casual._ She thought.

"isn't it too soon for you too wake up?i am still alive."That sting. Damon didn't even batted his eyelashes at this but it does hurt.

"No, i was a little more concerned about waking up too late.."Damon said, grimacing when he thought of all the scenarios that could have happened if he desiccated himself. Bonnie narrowed her eyes again, letting her hands fall on her sides.

"You are already two days late." She reminded him."Enjoyed not seeing me?" Damon shook his head a little, a smile playing at the end of his lips. If only she knew how much he missed her. So being without her is definitely not something he will ever gonna enjoy.

"No, in last two days that i have been away introspecting..."Damon said taking a step towards her."..I realized that i will be disappointed if i didn't see you every single second of my every day.." Bonnie pursed her lips though she was feeling little butterflies in her stomach. _Get a grip Bennett , he is lying.._ she thought.

"Yet you still decided to leave me..."Bonnie said taking a step back, looking straight into his eyes. He looked a little angry and she thought it was because she was being hard...she was only being herself and giving him what he deserved. Damon felt so angry at himself for doing this to her.

"and i came back.. for you."He said and took a step towards her.

"Don't lie to me...you might have another motives." Taking a step back."Don't lie to me. I am not Elena." She wasn't naive like Elena, she knew he was lying though her heart said otherwise.

"That's another thing i love about you.."If Bonnie said that she didn't felt anything then she would be fooling herself. Her heart skipped a bit at hearing this. She can't feel this way, it's not if he meant it as a friend? But his eyes were saying something else that she didn't wanna believe. He took a step towards her, looking in her eyes searchingly. She can't deal with this right now...she isn't ready. He have to leave..now.

"look, Damon just leave."Bonnie said rubbing her forehead, she can already feel a headache coming. Damon cocked his head to the side. Not this time, He is not going to leave until she forgave him or until he confess.

"We are not done,yet."Damon said, shaking his head.

"i don't forgive you. Now we are done."Bonnie said coldly." just take what's yours and leave."She said, referring to his jacket lying on the chair. Damon looked at her for a while before he turned around and walked towards the chair, putting on his leather jacket.

Bonnie felt angry. How could he just leave like that..yeah, she knew that she asked him to but he didn't even resisted. Maybe they are really done...for good this time. She felt her heart sinking at this thought but she stoned herself and turned away when he looked towards her. Before she could comprehend what's happening she was being lifted up from the ground and into Damon's arms. She squeaked a little. Damon picked her up in his arms in bridal style and walked towards the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bonnie yelled,looking at Damon who managed to open the door somehow. her grip was tight around his neck though she knew she was safe in his arms.

Damon walked out of the door with Bonnie in his arms and shutting the door by his hip. He looked down at her wide green eyes and irritated face. She looked so cute with her nose scrunched and pinched lips. He stopped just outside of her door.

"leaving with what's mine."He stated, looking directly into her eyes, hoping she might get the hint, and looking by her expressions she did. Damon looked back up and continued down the porch. And then there was silence.

He kept walking with her in his arms, glancing at her thinking face time to time. She still had to say something after his big hint. He knew she might be thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong, he wanted to comfort her that they are going to work, but he stayed silent giving her time to process things. And he thought about what Caroline had said to him two days ago...

After seeing Bonnie so hurt he just couldn't desiccate himself... he couldn't. She needed him but he could't bring himself to face her at that moment, he needed time to pull himself together. That's when Caroline called and he told her everything, she called him all the names she could think of ,and accidently said that Bonnie is in love with him and whatever he was doing is gonna break her. After that he tuned everything out. Only thing on his mind was that Bonnie might love him as much as he loves her. She might actually be in love with him and then he remembered...Elena. He is here now with Bonnie in his arms, he made his decision. Bonnie's laughing eyes is what he wanted to see every second of his existence.

 **A/N: I am really sorry guys but next update is going to take a while...**


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